Some Collected & Edited thoughts
by
Marc S. Blackwell, Sr.
The following are supportive notes designed for use with a small group discussion or with a mentorship conversation. They are not meant for direct use with or by depressed persons. Rather, these notes and thoughts are for mentally and spiritually preparing the strategy of a spiritual leader who may have opportunity to be an encouragement. Comforting someone facing one of the many causes lurking behind life's 'scenes' comes from the God of all comfort and through the comfort we as believers have received. These thoughts are not meant to dominate but rather challenge your thinking as a spiritual leader.
Depression affects everyone. Men, women, rich and poor, famous and successful; Everyone is affected by it .... Christian and non-Christian! Even the severely depressed can be totally "cured" if the condition is identified early enough. It is important to heed the early warning signs of depression and act immediately. It is important to remember that once a person starts becoming depressed, he or she usually behaves in a manner that reinforces their own depression.
Depression in itself is not sin. It is a symptom of something disturbing the balance in your life. There are many causes for depression as you will see in the list below. The cause may be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Read Genesis 4:4 –7 to see that sins – such as jealousy and/ or anger, etc. can lead to depression (2 Cor. 10:12-13; Hebrews 13:5; Psalm 37; John 14:1-6; 15-27). Challenges (with accompanying stress or fears) such as that found in 1 Konings 19:9-15 can also lead to depression. Unresolved conflict also leads to depression – read the story around Daniel 4: 33-35 (1 Samuel 18:10).
The “dynamic of depression” is outlined in Proverbs 5:21-23, as well. The cords of his own sin hold the depressed person in – instruction is too easily rejected – usually as impractical or too difficult! Matter’s spiral downward – step for step. The responses found in Romans 5:2-6 and 1 Peter 1:1-11 for reversing the downward spiral and leading to upward step by step growth are not taken seriously enough! Right Thinking: Romans 6:11 and 1 Cor. 6:9-11 is essential – as is right actions! In spite of feelings – right actions, choices and attitudes – while working together with others and using self-discipline to do what is right and true must be faithfully practiced. Elation is not the goal! Over-reaction and pendulum lifestyles do not help overcome depression!
What is depression?
Though s major simplification, I suggest (for the purposes of our conversations) that: A depressed person will have some of the following characteristics, but not all of them. A depressed person feels hopelessness, despair, sadness and apathy. It is a feeling of overall gloom. Paralysis of the will sets in, and there is a movement toward feelings of hopelessness. The depressed person loses perspective on life, work and family. The depressed person experiences changes in physical activities––appetite, sleeping and sex. Some lose interest in food while others attempt to set a world record at gouging themselves. Some sleep constantly; others cannot get to sleep easily, or wake up in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep. The depressed have a general loss of self-esteem. He or she feels less and less positive about himself or herself, and questions his or her own personal value.
Their self–confidence is almost always quite low. There is a withdrawal from others because of a groundless fear of being rejected. The depressed person’s withdrawal brings on some rejection by others. They cancel favourite activities, they fail to return phone calls, and they seek ways to avoid talking with or seeing others. The depressed person seeks to escape from problems and even from life itself. Thoughts of leaving home, running away or avoidance of others is common. They feel life is hopeless and worthless. Therefore, suicidal thoughts may be entertained. The depressed person is overly sensitive to what others say and do. He or she may misinterpret actions and comments in a negative way and become irritable because of those mistaken perceptions.
The person cries often. The depressed person has difficulty handling his feelings. Anger is especially difficult since it can be misdirected toward self and others. A sense of worthlessness and lack of knowing how to deal with a situation produces anger at oneself. This can be directed outward at others. There is usually an underlying feeling of guilt that may be real or imagined. Frequently he feels overly responsible for other people’s feelings. Often depression leads to a dependency state upon other people. This further reinforces a feeling of helplessness. The depressed person then becomes angry at his own helplessness.
Causes of Depression
The common thread that underlies much of depression is a sense of loss. This sense of loss may be real or imagined. Simple things like not eating properly and not getting proper rest can cause depression. A reaction to certain drugs can affect a person’s moods. All drugs affect the body and the mental processes in some way. If a drug results in the brain or nervous system toxicity, extreme depression could be the result. Toxic depression results when a person takes too much of a drug or sedative over an extended time. This kind of depression and drug toxicity will clear up in a day or so after the drug is no longer in the system. If you become depressed while taking a medication consult your pastor-counsellor and your medical doctor. Let them guide you together.
The following are some physical causes of depression: hepatitis, hypoglycaemia, infections, physiological brain or nervous system disorders. Others such as glandular disorders, low thyroid, hyperthyroidism, excessive ovarian hormonal irregularities can cause depression. Repressed anger turned inward upon oneself will lead to depression. Reactive depression, or grief reaction, occurs after the loss of a loved one, job or some important opportunity is very common. This usually lessens with time. The loss of a close friend or relative brings on this kind of emotional reaction. Biochemical or endogenous depression is caused by a disturbance in the body’s chemical system – though the world’s current fixation on these imbalances is often in itself an imbalanced and yet unscientific response in so many cases.(See Encouraging Hope: MSB Sr, Session I Facilitating Life-Responses.) Negative and faulty thinking is the root of most depression.
Low self–esteem (also a misguided issue in our modern society – See Adams, Jay, The Biblical View of Self-Esteem, Self-love and Self-Image) may cause or rather reinforce and intensify depression. Unrealistic expectations cause depression. Excessive self–pity leads to depression. This in turn reinforces a poor self-concept and further aggravates the depression. If your behaviour is contrary to your moral standards or your value system this can result in depression. It produces real guilt, and guilt is a component in depression. Success, achieving a high goal, gaining a valued position with the demands for higher level of performance can be threatening and lead to depression. Postpartum “blues” after the birth of a child may lead to depression. Physical exhaustion can contribute to depression. Look over the above list of causes of depression and see if you can think of anything that might be causing you to become depressed. It is often a sign that your body needs rest and refreshment after a period of strain. Obey this sign as you would a sign of pain or hunger.
Some Basic Principles in Handling Depression
Get rid of your grudges on a daily basis (Ephesians 4:26). Don’t “let the sun go down on your wrath”! Use today’s Healthy anger – disappointments – sense of righteous indignation to motivate you to resolve the angry feelings or issues with that other person. Resolve your bitterness, hurts and anger on a daily basis. Live your life motivated around Good Thoughts – Philippians 4:8,9 and bring everything to the Lord in PRAYER – trusting Him – leaving matters to Him to resolve and stay focused on serving the Lord and the good of others!
Do all you can do to resolve family conflicts. "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men" (Romans 12:18). Do your part to be at peace with every member of your family. Each week, preferably each day, find something that you can do for a special person. Go out of your way to reach out to someone in need. Commit yourself to an intimate love relationship with Jesus Christ. Glorify Jesus Christ, your Lord, with your daily life. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you" (Matthew 6:33).
Become involved in a small group Bible study or share group. Take time to fellowship with one or two committed Christians of the same sex. Spend time each day meditating on God’s Word and applying it to your everyday life. (Read: Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1; Psalm 100 & 119). Be personally involved in something that will still be worthwhile to you a million years from now. Have a daily routine that brings personal satisfaction to you and that will glorify God through your life. Depression is a common ailment shared by many people. It is not unusual, and it's not permanent. Never accept any present mood as permanent. You can return to the person you were or better – the person God is busy making you – even having learned more of Him and His will through this negative experience. Never give up!
I understand depression as a symptom of something that is out of balance in your life. Always look at depression as a warning signal from your body telling you some aspect of your life is out of adjustment. You should remember that you could be having more than one source for your depression: physical illness (diagnosed by a competent medical practitioner); stress – work, family – personal goals {possibly too high?]; spiritual and experiential (loss of a loved one, new environment or challenge.)
How can I help myself get through depression on a day–to–day basis? The following tips for handling depression have been used by a large number of people who have found them helpful.
On a day–to–day basis we all have our own methods for getting through the worst times as best we can. Sometimes these things work, sometimes they don't. Just keep trying different ones until you find some techniques that work for you. These ideas should not rule out getting professional help from a conservative, Bible-believing Christian counsellor { thought these are somewhat rare). If your depression is life threatening, or lasts a couple of weeks, have a thorough physical check up by a physician who knows what to look for. It may be something that is very serious that is causing your depression. Be sure to tell your physician all your symptoms, how long you have been depressed and any unusual sense of loss to your self–esteem, kinds of stress, etc. Never self–prescribe antidepressant drugs for yourself or anyone else. Do not take medicine that is not prescribed for you. The responsibility and authority for their use belongs to your physician.
Though I am the last one to recommend drug therapies for resolving depression, they can be used in life-threatening situations without fear. There are specific drugs for specific types of depression and though many of these are not proven and hold a seriously flawed subjective element in their use – they are not dangerous to your health and relative to certain life-threatening situations might need to be applied for a period of time. If you might be a danger to yourself, don't be alone. Find people. If that is not practical, call them up on the phone. If there is no one you feel you can call, suicide hotlines can be helpful, even if you're not quite that bad off yet.
1. If you spend more than thirty minutes feeling depressed - do this now: phone and visit but talk to a friend. Get up and move, pick up the phone and call someone who is a caring person. Let them know that you are depressed. Share with them this list of tips before hand if possible and ask them to help you when you get depressed. Have a person you can trust and to whom you can express your feelings of anger.
2. Do not go through life without fellowship, fun and support of friends. Keep in touch with friends who will help you receive the "strokes," "warm fuzzies," positive reinforcement that you need to function wholesomely. Having a friend helps you when you are down. It also helps the other person when he is down. Someone has said, "A friend a day keeps depression away." Learn to share your joys, happiness, hopes, ambitions, desires, frustrations, anger, etc. Ask for what you need. Do not go through life without the support of friends who care about you. Have a sympathetic, understanding, caring friend who will listen. Share your feelings.
3. If your family or friends are quick to scold you for being depressed, explain to them that you don't want self–pity. Tell them you want and need a firm caring attitude that will encourage, support and sustain you during this temporary low time in your life. While people may tell you to "snap out" of your depression, that is not possible. You cannot simply make yourself "snap out" of the depression. Asking you to "snap out" of sever depression makes as much sense as asking someone to "snap out" of diabetes or an under–active thyroid gland.
4. Do not make any major decisions while you are depressed. Put them off or get someone else to make them for you until you can gain the right perspective. The depressed person has distorted thinking.
5. Accept your own responsibility. No one else can accept it for you. You have the problem and you can do something about it.
6. Ask yourself what you can learn from your depression and stress. Use your stress as a learning experience in order to develop and grow as a person. Write out on a 3x5 inch card the following statement and read it out loud to yourself several times a day:
God loves me just as much now as in my brightest and happiest moment of life. There are valid reasons why I am depressed, and my depression is telling me that there is something bothering me about the way I am living my life. This down time will help me to understand myself better. I am going to learn something new and I am going to grow from this experience I am going to feel better. This, too, shall pass.
7. Write out several STOP cards with Philippians 4:4–9 on one side and the word STOP in large red letters with a magic marker on the other. Meditate on these verses. Determine that you will "think on these things:" whatever is true, whatever is honourable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, whatever is of any excellence, worthy of praise, etc. Write these out on cards in detail in advance so you will have them ready when you are depressed. Pull your card out and focus your thinking and imagination on these truths. Other excellent passages of Scripture to use for STOP cards are Isaiah 40:28–31; 41:19; 42:3; and 43:1–4. Learn to use these the moment you catch yourself going down.
8. Trust in the Lord as fully as you can. Do not rely on religious or any other feelings, good or bad, but trust in God's grace and mercy alone. Do not examine your religious experiences at this time. You can't go by your feelings when depressed. You can firmly hold onto the facts in the Bible. Faith is relying on Him, not on your feelings.
9. Meditate on these Scriptures. Psalm 42; 34:18; 88:1–5; John 16:23, 24; Romans 15:13; Galatians 5:22; John 16:20; Romans 5:3–5; Psalm 35:9; Isaiah 61:10; I Thessalonians 5:18; Ephesians 5:20; John 10:10; Psalm 147:3; 3:5, 6; Isaiah 41:10; Proverbs 14:30; Job 4:6; Psalm 43:5; 40:1,2; Matthew 12:20; Luke 4:18; Proverbs 3:13, 18; 10:10; 13:12, etc.
10. Get some sound books on a Christian perspective of God are serious but helpful reading at a level that will get your mind off your self and make you think. I suggest: The Innocence of God, and Neither Necessary Nor Inevitable by Udo W. Middleman . The Knowledge of the Holy by A. W. Tozer, Knowing God by J. I. Paker are also popular reads. I would suggest that there is value in reading on the topic of What to do during Depression: A Reason to Live, by Melody Beattie, Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, IL. This book focuses on reasons to choose life over suicide but is still useful even if suicide isn't on your mind.
11. Who is your most valued person? My most valued person is Jesus Christ. His love is unconditional and eternal. It never changes. Focus your attention upon Him. What would He say to you if He visited you right now? What word of encouragement would He share with you?
12. Personalize Scripture by substituting the second person plural and third person plural pronouns and singular pronouns with first person singular in Scripture passages that accent your sense of security, significance, and sufficiency. Take Ephesians 2:8–10 for example: "For by grace I have been saved through faith; and not of myself, it is the gift of God; not as a result of my works, that I should boast. For I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before hand, that I should walk in them."
This may help some people to realize the promises and admonitions of the Word of God are for them to claim and not just a history book or message for people thousands of years ago.
13. Read over this list of Causes of Depression and see if you can recognize any of these as possible reasons for your depression.
14. Stick to a daily routine that brings personal satisfaction to you.
15. Make an effort to get rid of grudges, resentments, bitterness, anger, etc. on a daily basis. "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath." Deal with your anger before you go to bed at night.
16. Do everything you can do to remove family conflicts. Spend time every day getting more intimate with your spouse and children.
17. See if you can find a way to modify or remove the cause of your stress. What is it's source? Can you remove it? Can you alter it? How can you break it up into smaller pieces?
18. Think through your values. What do you want out of this life? Can you arrange things so you can obtain your goals in a different manner? Can you find a good substitute? Do you really want what you think you want? Is your goal only a means to an end that could be achieved in some other way? How does your goal relate to Matthew 6:33? Jesus said, "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."
19. Rule out any physical causes for depression. If you find some physical causes – have them treated medically but remember depression can be mult-dimensional coming from more than one source. Get eight hours of sleep, exercise and plenty of relaxation. Get three good, well–balanced meals a day. Keep eating even if it means several small meals and snacks. If the symptoms persist, see your physician.
20. Ask yourself, "What am I doing that could be causing me to be depressed? How much stress am I undergoing? Remember that your body will only tolerate so much stress before it begins to tell you that something is wrong. Are you facing life's changes? Is there a hormone change taking place in your body? See your physician.
21. Force yourself to stay active and be with other people. Break any negative behaviour pattern. The depressed person behaves in a way that reinforces his depression. Spend time with a mature friend. Ask yourself, "If I weren't depressed what would I do?" Then get up and go do it.
22. Keep up your daily routine at home, work, school, etc. Try doing things spontaneously. Focus on actions and thoughts that will keep you moving in the opposite direction from depression. Consider your daily routine important. Set some realistic goals for your life. Plan your day the night before on paper and stick with your schedule.
23. Meditate on I Timothy 6:11 in the Living Bible, and Job 3:25–26 in the NASB. 24. How will you let significant others know what you are thinking and feeling?
25. What have you been thinking about that might cause or bring about depression? Write down what you have been silently saying to yourself. Look over it. Analyse it. Have a mature friend look over it with you. Recognize and identify the thoughts you express to yourself. Review the "Cognitive Distortions" handout and look for causes of depression in your thinking and self–talk. Is your self–talk negative? Is it critical, judgmental, hostile or angry? What are your imaginations and daydreams like? In what way have I been thinking that might have helped to bring on depression? Begin controlling your thoughts and behaviour.
26. Try putting the silent sentences that run through your mind into words. This will help you reduce the frequency with which it comes back, decrease the intensity of the idea, and lessen the feeling or mood that it generates. Keep a diary or stream of consciousness. Write down your thoughts and learn to identify your self–criticisms and then challenge them. Talk to yourself rather than allowing yourself to talk to you. Learn to handle your self–talk by thinking on
God's goodness, mercies, love, forgiveness and attributes at this time. Meditate on Psalm 42. Spend time studying and reflecting upon the Word of God. Memorize and meditate on the encouraging promises in the Scriptures. Relax and imagine yourself walking and talking with Jesus in some scenic part of the Gospels such as Jesus feeding the 5,000 or the Good Shepherd in John 10. Put yourself in your favourite Scripture passage.
27. Get out of the house or office for a few minutes. Deliberate, physical activity is very important in overcoming depression.
28. Ask yourself, "Is there anything I might be doing that may be causing my depression?" A depressed person usually behaves in such a way that he reinforces his depression. Observe your behavioural patterns. If they are reinforcing your depression, change them.
29. Think back over what happened in the two or three days preceding the beginning of your depression. What happened the week before it set in? What were you thinking? Was it angry thoughts, hostile, bitterness, self–pity or some real sense of loss to you? If your depression has lasted for some time, think back over what happened in the week before it started. Try to spot any causes.
30. Give yourself inner directions. Tell yourself, "Go call a friend." "Talk to someone who will listen." "Hey, I'm getting depressed. STOP. Read your STOP card. Get up and get into action. I don't have anything to lose by trying." Learn to say to yourself, "I'm jumping to conclusions. Where is the evidence that what I am saying to myself is true? Where are the facts?"
31. Do I have a negative view of myself, life, or a false view of the future? How am I looking at a recent experience or event, and how does it relate to me? Correct your negative thinking. Read "Because God Loves Me" out loud to yourself at least three times a day for the next twenty–one days.
32. Don't take life so seriously. Bring your goals into keeping with your abilities. Become more practical. Don't be unreasonable with yourself. Stop being obsessive–compulsive. Relax your critical, judgmental, perfectionist attitude toward yourself. Who are you trying to impress? What are you trying to prove?
33. Avoid the guilt trap. Stop punishing yourself. Do you need to forgive yourself? Work through true guilt by confessing it to God and claiming the promise in I John 1:9. God loves you. You can't merit His love. God took the initiative when we were unlovely, unwanted, inferior nobodies. Read and study "GOD + ME = A WHOLE PERSON." False guilt needs to be recognized as false and gotten rid of. Work at self–acceptance.
34. Remove the years of accumulated anger, frozen rage, hostility, hate, resentments and guilt. Work out your negative feelings with someone who will treat you with unconditional love and acceptance. Don't be afraid to get professional help. Learn how to deal with your hostility and anger in a more constructive and acceptable model. Talk it out with someone, not everyone, and not just anyone. Find a mature person to help you interpret for yourself your troubled feelings. Claim God's forgiveness in Psalm 51; Romans 4:6–8; 5:8; 8:1; I Corinthians 6:9–11; Colossians 1:14, 22; I Peter 1:3; I John 1:9; 2:2,12.
35. KEY: Replace negative emotional habits with positive attitudes and thought patterns. Read Job 3:15–26; Proverbs 23:7, Philippians 4.
36. Let go of the past. If you find yourself going over and over some experience in your past, or continually expressing the sorrow, hurts, grievances, anger, etc., try to break the pattern. If you have already dealt with your depression from a Biblical perspective, be prepared to take responsibility, take personal leadership decisions, and resolve not to be afraid of loneliness but include God's Word, prayer and Christian fellowship (through a sound local church) in your future. Seek friendships and accept the advise of a wise and mature believer.
===============
If you are the caregiver do not give up on the depressed person. Give reassurance to the person in a calm manner. Never scold. Let him know that you understand and help him to see the causes of depression. Help him develop a stronger Biblically-based view of God, themselves and their own self–imnage in-Christ. If he is suicidal do not leave him alone. He needs a caring, warm, willing person who will express warm, accepting, firm, objective concern for him. Get him to professional medical and spiritual (emotional) help as soon as the circumstances permit.
(Modified from contributions by Bill Goode, Jay Adams, Wil Pounds and others, but responsibility for these thoughts remain my own, Dr. Marc S. Blackwell, Sr, Cape Town)
